Sleepless Nights
by SparkIntoAFlame
Summary: It is all too common for Kaldur to wake in the middle of the night. There are two reasons for this phenomenon. The first is his nightmares. The second is Roy's nightmares. Or: Two Times Kaldur And Roy Didn't Sleep And One Time They Did
1. Kaldur

_He cannot reach her; she is too far. She is shouting - no,_ screaming _\- his name, and he has never felt so helpless in his life. Her fingers are slipping off the edge; how ironic that she will die falling into water. Perhaps when she falls her gills will flutter and take in the oxygen that she cannot use when she is dead._

Dead. _The word clangs through him like a bell and he nearly staggers back from the cliff edge. Tula will be dead, and it will be his fault for not saving her. She howls his name once again before letting go entirely. She falls gracefully, the same way that she lived, except for the fact that she is shrieking in fear and denial._

 _There is a hand on his shoulder and he looks up to see his father, and now Kaldur's wearing Black Manta armor - the very same one hanging in his closet in his room at the Cave, the one he swore to never put on or look at ever again. He wants to vomit, but instead kneels and bows his head._

" _Father." Kaldur does not recognize his own voice._

 _And Tigress is standing behind his father. She reaches up and unclasps her necklace. His eyes try to convey a warning as he kneels paralyzed, watching as black hair gives way to blond and the orange costume flickers back to a midriff-baring green outfit. He watches silently, a tear finding its way down his cheek when his father, not even looking back, stabs Artemis in the heart. Her eyes widen as green turns red with blood and a sword is withdrawn, the blade crimson._

" _No. No!" Kaldur roars, and suddenly he can move._

 _He races to her as she sways on her feet and catches her as she falls, lowering her to the ground. He pushes at the wound, praying through tears that she will survive._

 _He looks up and scrambles backwards, his hands wet and staining the grass red wherever they touch. There is Nightwing and Robin and Kid Flash and Superboy and Ms. Martian and Beast Boy and all the rest of the team laid out, bleeding from various wounds. His stomach turns and he looks up at his father._

" _You did this."_

" _No," Kaldur pleads. "No."_

 _Because there is one body not there, and he cannot bear to witness his death. And as Roy limps towards him, Kaldur shakes his head and screams at him to leave, to turn back, but Roy, the stubborn bastard that he is, keeps on going. He keeps on going until he's close enough to grab Kaldur's forearms and look into his eyes and say, "I love you."_

 _And Kaldur has no control of his limbs as one arm shakes off Roy's grip, accepts the knife from his father and stabs Roy in the chest, all while begging not to. Roy's smile fades as he falls to his knees and Kaldur falls with him and pulls Roy to his chest and cries and cries and cries._

Kaldur jolts awake, breathing heavily. He places a hand on his sweaty chest, attempting to calm his racing heart. He gently disentangles his legs from Roy's and not-so-gently kicks off his blankets, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

He groans quietly and rests his elbows on his knees, covering his face with his hands. He can feel the bed shifting behind him and hear the creaking bed springs of the old mattress. There is a soft, raspy with sleep voice behind him saying his name, but he cannot understand it through the sudden sobs overtaking his body.

And there is a cool hand on his back, rubbing gently, and another one peels his hands away from his face and forces a glass of water into them; except he's trembling too hard to hold it without spilling the contents all over him and Roy, so Roy takes it back and holds it to Kaldur's lips, coaxing them open.

Kaldur's shaking slowly subsides and Roy kisses his cheek before asking, "Are you okay?"

Kaldur almost laughs at the ridiculousness of the question and is well on the way to saying, "Yes. I am fine, thank you, Roy," but the words get stuck in his throat and come out instead as a choked kind of whimper.

"Okay," Roy murmurs, "you need a minute." Not a question, but an affirmation.

Kaldur breathes deeply and slowly lets it out, closing his eyes. Roy wraps an arm around Kaldur's shoulders and squeezes him to the side of his body. Kaldur doesn't complain about the pressure, only curling completely into Roy. Roy looks down at him, and sighs.

"This is bullshit," he whispers.

"What is, my love?" Kaldur asks, his voice scratchy.

"The nightmares. It's bullshit. You're waking up, scared from dreaming about god knows what and -"

"I killed you," Kaldur says quietly.

Roy startles into silence before sighing. "Tell me everything."

So Kaldur tries. He tells Roy about Tula hanging from the cliff and falling and screaming. He tells Roy about wearing that terrible, jet-black armor. He tells Roy about kneeling to his father. He tells Roy about Tigress becoming Artemis and being killed by his _father_. He tells Roy about the bodies of all their teammates, their friends, their family.

He tells Roy about him limping to Kaldur and telling him that he loves him and then -

Kaldur's chest heaves with another sob and Roy's hand migrates from Kaldur's left shoulder to the middle of Kaldur's back where he rubs in a soothing rhythm.

"What happened after?"

Kaldur shakes his head, his hand over his mouth and his eyes clenched shut.

"I cannot," he forces out through his fingers after he has regained just enough breath to talk.

Roy opens his mouth, presumably to argue, then decides against it, instead pressing a soft kiss to Kaldur's forehead.

"Do you wanna go back to sleep?" Roy offers.

"No," Kaldur answers. "I do not - I cannot -"

"Hey, hey, it's okay, I get it," Roy placates.

"Can - can -"

"I'm not moving unless you want to."

Kaldur sighs shakily and presses deeper into Roy and closes his eyes, not quite going to sleep.

And if Kaldur doesn't really fall asleep until an hour and a half later at 3:37 in the morning, Roy says nothing. If the two of them show up to the Cave fifteen minutes late clutching large iced coffees and with dark bags under their eyes, the team says nothing besides Nightwing quietly telling them that today was promised to be quiet and if they wanted to take Kaldur's room, he'd cover for them at training because he and the rest of the team all knew what it was like not to sleep at night.


	2. Roy

Roy screams at night.

Kaldur knows Roy hates it, hates that he will inevitably and helplessly wake Kaldur with his nightmares, hates that he is one of the causes of Kaldur's constant sleep deprivation. (Kaldur knows the surge of guilt that washes over Roy whenever he sees the bags under Kaldur's eyes because Kaldur feels the same whenever he sees Roy's.) Kaldur knows that Roy would rather to have silent, shaking nightmares and allow Kaldur to sleep.

Kaldur is relieved, however, that Roy screams. Relieved, because he can wake and drag Roy out of whatever hellish dream he's having that night, because he can stay with Roy as he trembles and hold him tightly until he falls asleep again, despite Roy's futile attempts to shrug Kaldur off and his many reassurances that he's " _fine_ , Kaldur."

But there are those terrible nights when Roy suffers in silence and, when he wakes and paces the apartment, awash in moonlight until Kaldur coaxes him back to bed for another few hours. There are worse nights still when Roy slips out of bed in the early hours in the morning, so early it could still be considered night, and hops from rooftop to rooftop shooting at billboards and stopping the occasional mugging, anything to distract himself from whatever dream he had the previous nights. (However, Kaldur thinks, at least he isn't shooting up anymore.)

It is one such night that Kaldur wakes abruptly, without reason. He almost considers it a good night, no nightmares, as he rolls over to check the time (2:49am) until he freezes with the realization that he is alone in the bed. _Where is Roy._ He kicks off the blankets and checks the bathroom (empty; _where_ ), the kitchen (empty; _is_ ), and the living room (empty; _Roy_ ). He changes into civvies and, as an afterthought, slips his water-bearers into his pocket.

He briefly debates calling Dick or Wally on his way out of the apartment; perhaps they could help in his search for Roy. He decides against it, however, when he realizes that Dick and Wally do not know how to deal with Roy after a nightmare (they don't know how he cries sometimes, yells other times, and stares blankly without moving, statuesque still others) (he thinks - knows - only he has seen Roy cry).

Kaldur calls Roy's phone, only for it to ring inside of the house. He sighs heavily and shoots a text to Ollie detailing the situation before he starts to walk briskly to the part of town Roy frequents on nights like this.

It takes all of an hour and fifteen minutes for Kaldur to locate Roy, hidden in an alley, engaged in a fight with yet another mugger, one that he should be able to end in less than five minutes. Kaldur watches from the rooftop and waits for ten minutes for Roy to finish this and leave. However, when Roy doesn't stop and punches the mugger's jaw with a crack, Kaldur leaps down on the fire escape platforms, landing lightly on the ground. It only takes one flick of his water bearer for him to direct some of the water from the PVC pipe on the outside of a building at the mugger, effectively knocking him out. He reeks of alcohol.

Roy looks up and chuckles darkly, wiping blood from his lip. "Why'd you come?"

It's an empty question and they both know it. Roy knows _exactly_ why Kaldur is here, yet Kaldur entertains him anyways. "You were not in bed."

"Yeah, I decided to go for a midnight stroll," Roy says, spitting some blood on the ground.

Kaldur scoffs and reaches out a hand. "Come home."

Roy shakes his head and crosses his arms as if to protect himself. "I can't."

Kaldur does not lower his hand but changes his offer. "Then let us go somewhere besides a dirty alleyway."

Roy hesitates before taking Kaldur's hand. Kaldur leads him to the fire escape he just jumped from and up to the roof.

"You didn't happen to bring alcohol did you?" Roy asks, only half-joking.

"No," Kaldur smiles slightly.

"Damn it," Roy groans, sitting down with his legs hanging precariously over the edge.

Kaldur joins Roy and kisses Roy's cheek before saying his next sentence. "What was it?"

Roy stiffens slightly, barely noticeable, before shaking his head. "Nothing. It's nothing."

Kaldur pushes. "It is never _nothing_ when you leave the apartment and get into a twenty minute fight with an amateur mugger."

"I needed to punch something."

"We have a punching bag hanging in the middle of our damn living room!"

"I needed to punch something _moving!_ "

"You -"

"Goddammit, Kal!" Roy shouts, looking up at Kaldur with shining eyes. "I just needed _out_."

"Out of what?" Kaldur responds calmly.

"Just... _out_." The broken, tired tone of Roy's voice breaks Kaldur's heart and he shifts closer to Roy, allowing him to rest his head on Kaldur's shoulder.

Roy turns his head so that he is facing the crook of Kaldur's neck and breathes deeply, inhaling seafoam and ocean wind. He mumbles something into the skin.

"What was that?"

Roy reluctantly pulls out of Kaldur's shoulder and slumps down. "I dreamed that everyone was dead."

Kaldur flinches back slightly, but Roy is drowning too deeply in his thoughts to notice. "What do you mean, my love?"

"Not _everyone_. Just…everyone…that…I care about." Roy's voice shatters on the final two words and it is only now that Kaldur notices the tears streaking silently down Roy's face.

"Roy -"

"You and Ollie and Dinah and _Lian_ and even fucking Artemis," Roy lists. "And there were a bunch of other bodies and I just knew it was the rest of the team and the League and -"

Kaldur makes a soft shushing noise. "It is okay, Roy. Look, I am right here."

Kaldur grips Roy's hand tight enough to edge on the border of uncomfortable. Roy doesn't complain and squeezes back just as tightly. Roy's head falls back onto Kaldur's shoulder and they sit there for hours.

Neither of them notice Ollie retreating back into the shadows on the roof. Neither of them will ever know that as soon as Ollie got back home, he asked Dinah to watch out for them at training the next day. Neither of them will ever know that when Ollie saw Aquaman the next day he told him that he had trained a great man.


	3. Sleeping At Last

Ever since that first kiss on a moonlit rooftop in Star City while police sirens wailed below them, Roy knew that Kaldur'ahm of Shayeris would be the death of him. After the whole "fake-ass betrayal misson" - as Roy had begun to call it - the fact was ever-present in Roy's mind.

This thought is as strong as ever, running through his head almost as quickly as his driving speed through town towards the nearest Zeta-Tube. He curses slow drivers, supervillains, and his decision to take patrol that night as he fumbles for his phone in the passenger seat and attempts to steer one-handed through the crowded city streets. (It would be rather unfortunate, not to mention heavily ironic, if a superhero ran over an old lady crossing the street.) Roy screeches to a stop at a red light, to several annoyed horn honks from other drivers and at least one loud " _The fuck you think you're doin' pal?"_ from an open window.

Roy throws up a hand in apology while quickly finding Dick's contact in his phone.

"Hey, Roy," Dick answers. "Is this -"

"Kaldur," Roy says, cutting straight to the point. "What happened to him?"

Roy can practically hear the wince in Dick's voice. "He - well, he was on a mission. A solo one. It was just supposed to be a stakeout, and I'm pretty sure it would have been fine but -"

"But?" Roy demands, because Dick stopped talking, and Dick only stops talking when he cannot find a way to say what needs to be said.

"But he got ambushed. I don't know if he got spotted or what, but all I know is that at 3AM there's a distress call in the Cave and by the time me and Wally got there, he was knocked out and bleeding from about three giant cuts on his chest and another two on his thighs and -"

"I get it," Roy interrupts because he can feel his stomach turning and the bile rising in his throat. "Is he awake yet?"

"No," Dick says, and Roy can sense the guilt ebbing off the younger man.

Roy hears a faint shouting in the background and Dick says, "Hey, Wally wants to talk," and hands off the phone.

Roy barely manages to get out a "Hey, Walmart," before Wally starts speaking in his overwhelmingly fast voice.

"RoyIranasfastasIcouldbutIwastoolateandKaldurwashurtIfuckedupsorryandwecouldn'thelpKaldurbecausetherewerestillbadguysand-"

"Wally!" Roy says loudly, effectively quieting the younger boy.

"I'm really sorry, Roy," Wally whispers. "I keep thinking that if only I got there two minutes earlier, then -"

"Then Kaldur wouldn't have gotten hurt?" Roy guesses. "Wally, you couldn't have done anything. I don't blame you or Dick, and I seriously doubt that Kal would blame either of you tool. Seriously, don't blame yourself."

Wally sighs and mumbles something intelligible.

"What?"

"I said, uh, thank you. Thanks," Wally clarifies. "And, um, me, Dick, Artemis, and Zatanna are all watching Kaldur until you get here. We've been taking it in shifts for, um, six hours now."

Roy glances at the time. "You've been watching Kaldur since _four in the morning_?" he says, unable to keep the disbelief out of his voice. "Wally, I think I should be the one thanking you."

"Nah," Wally says. "We were all too worried to sleep."

Roy pulls into the parking lot of an obscure, closed down store and hops out of the car, phone held to his ear. "Thanks, Wally. I'm gonna be there momentarily."

"No problem, Roy. See you in a bit." With that, Wally hangs up and Roy makes the short walk to the old blue police box that holds a Zeta-Beam entrance.

Within seconds, he enters the cave as the robotic female voice announces " _B-06. Red Arrow."_

He catches sight of Artemis and Zatanna, the latter asleep in her girlfriend's lap. Artemis looks up and, seeing that it is Roy, carefully maneuvers Zatanna's head so that she can stand up.

"Hi, Roy," she says quietly, attempting not to wake Zatanna.

"Hey, Artemis. How's Z?" he asks, mimicking her tone.

"She's fine. Worried, but I made her take a nap." Artemis glances back at Zatanna. "She wanted to stay up until Kaldur woke up but -"

 _But I wasn't sure how long that would be or if he would even wake up today_.

The unspoken words hang between the two. Roy doesn't blame Artemis; from the injuries Dick described over the phone, he himself isn't sure of how soon Kaldur will wake up. ( _Will_ wake up - Roy cannot bear to think of the alternative.)

"Am I allowed to -" Roy trails off, jabbing a thumb in the general direction of the medical bay.

"Yeah. Yeah, you can. I think Dick and Wally are there," Artemis says with a small, sad smile. "I don't think they've left his side since they got back."

"Wally said you guys were taking it in shifts," Roy said, confused.

"Wally said - liar. He's a fucking liar." Artemis makes a noise that could be loosely described as a laugh. "They've spent fifteen minutes away from Kaldur total."

"Idiots." Roy shakes his head. "I'll make sure they leave and get some rest. Why were they in the Cave anyways?"

"They decided to finish up some mission reports, though I think it was more making out then filling out paperwork," Artemis answers.

Roy snorts. "Obviously. Speaking of, I'm gonna go see the person that I make out with."

Artemis makes a face. "Too much information."

Roy grins and walks to the medical bay. As he gets closer, the grin begins to slip off his face and he almost gasps in shock when he walks in.

Kaldur has an oxygen mask on and an I.V. pumping some kind of fluid into his arm. Roy can make out a bandage peeking out from underneath his hospital gown and he assumes that there are several more on his chest and legs from what Dick described. The boy is sitting in a plastic chair next to Kaldur, and Wally is in a chair beside him, his legs up in Dick's lap. Dick is absentmindedly massaging Wally's legs while staring intently at the computer screen displaying Kaldur's vitals.

At the sound of Roy walking in, Dick jumps up. "Hey, Roy."

"Hey, Dick." Roy's voice is laced with badly hidden worry. "Hey, Wally. Artemis told me what a liar you are."

Wally looks up from the floor with a guilty expression. "I felt bad."

"Of course you did. Seriously though, get some sleep. I can almost see your dark circles from across the room," Roy jokes.

"You're one to talk. Look in a mirror recently?" Wally retorts.

Roy flushes slightly. "Shut up, Walmart. Go sleep."

Wally grumbles and gets up, followed by Dick who flashes a grateful look in Roy's direction before placing a hand on the small of Wally's back and leading him from the room. Roy waits until they are halfway down the hallway before taking Dick's seat.

"Hey, Kal," he murmurs. "I'm sorry I didn't get here earlier. I was on patrol and I saw that Dick called me after I got home. I came straight here, though." Roy sighs deeply. "You're an idiot, you know that? I wish you wouldn't take up all these missions. I think it's stupid as fuck, but who am I to talk."

Roy smiles slightly and kisses Kaldur's forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up."

…

Wally peeks his head in around 4:49pm. The first thing he notices is that Kaldur's vitals are still stable - _thank god_. The second thing he notices is Roy half-sprawled across Kaldur's lap, very obviously asleep.

He stands there for about thirty seconds, marveling in the fact that he caught Roy sleeping and is about to sneak off to tell Dick when Kaldur shifts slightly.

Kaldur's eyes flutter open, and he winces slightly as he looks down at Roy. He smiles softly before glancing up at Wally standing in the doorway. He fixes Wally with a look that can only be interpreted as " _if-you-wake-Roy-up-I-will-bring-the-entire-wrath-of-Atlantis-down-upon-you_ "

Wally nods and slips out of the room, making sure to inform the others that "yes, Kaldur's awake, and unless you want to get murdered, I do not recommend going to see him."


End file.
